LOCATION: 460 South Broadway Tarrytown, NY
TYPE OF FOOD: American/Diner
REVIEW: The "New York style diner" (or any restaurant, really) can be a friend... or a fiend. One little thing could annoy one little reviewer from a state that screwed up eight months ago by voting for someone who would wreck everything that the president, who the reviewer didn't vote for, was trying to do, and that one little thing would annoy that one little reviewer to the point that he would knock off one little point out of cinco. Pequenos. Puntos. And I didn't realize that until I left El Dorado Diner (doesn't that always seem to happen?).
Looking at the menu, I realized that there are more options here than gallons of butter in France (note GALLONS). So what should I have? Should I have a garden omelette (broccoli, cauliflower, zucchini and carrots. For every Ingrid Newkirk in your household!) with an ice cream sundae? Or should I have a grilled salmon club with corned beef hash? Or maybe the "Chicken Princess (stuffed chicken breast with crabmeat and broccoli covered with melted mozzarella.... I just gagged)? Finally, after a few minutes, I decided on the chicken kabob with Greek salad. I ordered that, along with iced tea. After a couple of minutes, the iced tea came.
The iced tea had less flavor than inches on Verne Troyer. It clearly was a mix, and I really only drank it because I was thirsty. A few minutes after that, the Greek salad came. The Greek salad was average, and came with a dressing that must been store bought, then mixed with Feta cheese (it was orange!). I hardly ate much of it, just the lettuce and the few cubes of Feta on top. A little after that came the "kabob". There was no kabob, just a plate with food. In fact, there was no chicken. Well, there was chicken, but for some bizarre reason (I bet the Corn Refiner Association did it... "high fructose corn syrup is good for you". Bunch of liars.) it tasted like shrimp. BP ruined, high in cholesterol, shrimp. And despite the bad experiences, I decided to order the fruit salad. Basically, it was more sour than John McEnroe, because they decided they needed to add acid, so they put grapefruit juice on top. Fed up (pun intended), I got up and left the place. And, that was that.
SERVICE: The service was fine. They were always busy, always moving, and (of course) nice and friendly. There really was nothing special at all (so is Family Guy!). Punctuation mark used at the end of a statement that is often drawn as a circle. Period.
ATMOSPHERE: The atmosphere is what you expect at a classic diner. There were jukeboxes at every table, loaded with songs from the Rolling Stones (from their eleventh European tour!) to Now That's What I Call Music (now that's what I call music's diarrhea!)! The floors had a few straw wrappers here and there, but besides that, the floors were clean. Hopefully Howie Mandel will agree with me....
PRICE: Two people will cost you forty-five dollars. It is a lot of food for a low price, but would you rather pay ninety dollars for food made by Daniel Boulud, or pay forty-five dollars for food made by Sarah Palin (hello, I have some baked Alaska, because I'm a maverick...... and look, there's Russia!)? Yeah, I knew you'd make that choice.
RATING: El Dorado has been known as "the city of gold". At the El Dorado Diner in Tarrytown, New York, there is no gold to be found within a five mile radius of the establishment. And sure, it may have a good atmosphere and a fine service, but those two are crushed like American Airlines by the FAA under bland food. The El Dorado Diner gets a one out of five.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Tanjore
LOCATION: 992 Main Street Fishkill, NY
TYPE OF FOOD: Indian
REVIEW: Believe it or not (looking at you, New England Skeptical Society), I have never been to an Indian restaurant before in my life and I don't know much about Indian culture for that matter. Besides "Benny Lava", "Indian Thriller" and "Tunak Tunak Tun" (move over, DANCING BABY!), I know pretty much nothing of the subject (I guess a knowledge of modern and American history doesn't help..... I feel like that historian from the "Got Milk?" ad...... why Aaron, why?). I was thinking this (and singing "Benny Lava" along the way..... "You need a bun to bite Benny Lava!") as I arrived.
Sitting down, I tried to decide as fast as the Warren Commission on my order. Should I consume "chicken Vindaloo" (can someone tell me what "Goan sauce" is?)? Maybe "Madras Attu Kari" (it's what it says on the tin!)? Or how about "Saffrani Murgh Malai Kabob" (who likes sour cream? On chicken? In a tandoor?)? After a bit of thinking (oh well, at least I beat the U.S.H.S.C.O.A), I decided upon the "chicken Tikka" with "tandoori Roti" (whole wheat bread at an Indian place? It's just like Roger Clemens and perjury charges! Bound to happen!). I also ordered iced tea, but it was not what I thought it would be (dun dun dun). After a little bit more, the food's mass transfered from the air onto the table in which the bends of my arms were resting.
The chicken tasted delicious for the few bites, until I tasted "it". "It" was horrible infecting my mouth faster than Obama's lessening popularity. "It" destroyed every bite with more intensity than the number of eggs getting recalled. "It" strangely doesn't have a Wikipedia page. "It" was cilantro, sprinkled all over the chicken. I tried, to the best of my ability, to remove it, and the chicken still tasted good, but with little bits here and there, the damage was done. The bread had no cilantro (why would it?), so the bread was very, very good. And as for the tea, which I thought would be plain black, it turned out that the people put spices into it. Even then, the tea was very good, and in fact, could have used a little more. After completing my meal, I left the restaurant..... as a thunderstorm moved across the area and poured on me.
SERVICE: The service was the most authentic I have ever seen in my life. They seemed to be from India, or the surrounding area (but hey, Bill Binnie "seemed" to be from America, but he was born in Scotland! And yet he's saying every immigrant HAS to learn English!). They were, as usual, nice and friendly (where's a thesaurus when you need one?). However, at least one person seemed to be always be standing near the bar that was in the back (ugh..... alcohol). This person did seem to be a supervisor... but who knows (conspiracy theories galore!!!)?
ATMOSPHERE: Like with the service, the atmosphere was authentic as if it was in India itself (anyone know Hindi? Because I don't think Pig Latin will help in India....). There was a Hindu-like picture hanging on one of the walls, and there was a buffet cart in one of the corners (at lunch they have buffets, which is apparently quite good... but I was once told that one place had good food and it was average.... oh well). There was music playing but it was quiet (and unintelligible.... I just couldn't get it through my skull... hey, what are these marbles doing here?). And to put the weirdly unhealthy cherry on top of this authentic sundae, the floors were nicely kept and clean. Yay.
PRICE: For three people, have fifty-five dollars on hand. Yes, this might seem a little pricey, but three entrees, two breads, and one drink (with zero desserts) all pretty much have to lead to something (like the "numerous" clues pointing to someone on the grassy knoll! "Admit" it, CIA!): a stomach full of Karaikudi Yera Thokku. Yummy yummy!
RATING: Tanjore is an authentic Indian place with good food and terrific atmosphere. However with cilantro all over the food, this place isn't 100% perfect. However, I can fully say, that Tanjore in Fishkill, New York, definitely knows "the hole to put it". Thank you YouTube. Tanjore gets a four out of five.
TYPE OF FOOD: Indian
REVIEW: Believe it or not (looking at you, New England Skeptical Society), I have never been to an Indian restaurant before in my life and I don't know much about Indian culture for that matter. Besides "Benny Lava", "Indian Thriller" and "Tunak Tunak Tun" (move over, DANCING BABY!), I know pretty much nothing of the subject (I guess a knowledge of modern and American history doesn't help..... I feel like that historian from the "Got Milk?" ad...... why Aaron, why?). I was thinking this (and singing "Benny Lava" along the way..... "You need a bun to bite Benny Lava!") as I arrived.
Sitting down, I tried to decide as fast as the Warren Commission on my order. Should I consume "chicken Vindaloo" (can someone tell me what "Goan sauce" is?)? Maybe "Madras Attu Kari" (it's what it says on the tin!)? Or how about "Saffrani Murgh Malai Kabob" (who likes sour cream? On chicken? In a tandoor?)? After a bit of thinking (oh well, at least I beat the U.S.H.S.C.O.A), I decided upon the "chicken Tikka" with "tandoori Roti" (whole wheat bread at an Indian place? It's just like Roger Clemens and perjury charges! Bound to happen!). I also ordered iced tea, but it was not what I thought it would be (dun dun dun). After a little bit more, the food's mass transfered from the air onto the table in which the bends of my arms were resting.
The chicken tasted delicious for the few bites, until I tasted "it". "It" was horrible infecting my mouth faster than Obama's lessening popularity. "It" destroyed every bite with more intensity than the number of eggs getting recalled. "It" strangely doesn't have a Wikipedia page. "It" was cilantro, sprinkled all over the chicken. I tried, to the best of my ability, to remove it, and the chicken still tasted good, but with little bits here and there, the damage was done. The bread had no cilantro (why would it?), so the bread was very, very good. And as for the tea, which I thought would be plain black, it turned out that the people put spices into it. Even then, the tea was very good, and in fact, could have used a little more. After completing my meal, I left the restaurant..... as a thunderstorm moved across the area and poured on me.
SERVICE: The service was the most authentic I have ever seen in my life. They seemed to be from India, or the surrounding area (but hey, Bill Binnie "seemed" to be from America, but he was born in Scotland! And yet he's saying every immigrant HAS to learn English!). They were, as usual, nice and friendly (where's a thesaurus when you need one?). However, at least one person seemed to be always be standing near the bar that was in the back (ugh..... alcohol). This person did seem to be a supervisor... but who knows (conspiracy theories galore!!!)?
ATMOSPHERE: Like with the service, the atmosphere was authentic as if it was in India itself (anyone know Hindi? Because I don't think Pig Latin will help in India....). There was a Hindu-like picture hanging on one of the walls, and there was a buffet cart in one of the corners (at lunch they have buffets, which is apparently quite good... but I was once told that one place had good food and it was average.... oh well). There was music playing but it was quiet (and unintelligible.... I just couldn't get it through my skull... hey, what are these marbles doing here?). And to put the weirdly unhealthy cherry on top of this authentic sundae, the floors were nicely kept and clean. Yay.
PRICE: For three people, have fifty-five dollars on hand. Yes, this might seem a little pricey, but three entrees, two breads, and one drink (with zero desserts) all pretty much have to lead to something (like the "numerous" clues pointing to someone on the grassy knoll! "Admit" it, CIA!): a stomach full of Karaikudi Yera Thokku. Yummy yummy!
RATING: Tanjore is an authentic Indian place with good food and terrific atmosphere. However with cilantro all over the food, this place isn't 100% perfect. However, I can fully say, that Tanjore in Fishkill, New York, definitely knows "the hole to put it". Thank you YouTube. Tanjore gets a four out of five.
Friday, August 6, 2010
Terrapin
LOCATION: 6426 Montgomery Street Rhinebeck, NY
TYPE OF FOOD: American (?)
REVIEW: Restaurants have to be perfectly balanced, like Obama's "bipartisan" Congress (good luck with that one, ha). If one state goes against what it should vote for to vote for "change", then the whole thing would fall apart (deja vu, huh?). And for once, I didn't know that while driving to the place. I only discovered that, after my mass passed into the legal property of the establishment referred from now on as "the place", "the restaurant", or "Terrapin" (what a surprise).
Looking at the menu, I started firing brain cells in order to think about what to get. Should I get "New York state" duck with peking sauce (ooh! I'll get Arizona state quesadillas! It costs three times the regular cost for immigrants!)? Or the "grilled" "portobello" """""""steaks"""""""? After a bundle of minutes (cellphones with projector, fullscreen, twenty hour battery, thirty megabites, scissors and key chain sold separately), I decided on the harmless, riskless, and secure option (switching to Greek banks!): the grilled salmon with potatoes and asparagus. After depending on my gluteus maximus muscle for about twenty minutes on an empty stomach, my food arrived.
The salmon was very good, and was not undercooked. The potatoes were very good, but there was a lack of them (why does this keep happening?). The asparagus was also very nice, and I enjoyed the dish overall, but I was still left hungry (oh look, there's Bernie). I ordered a salad with balsamic vinaigrette. The salad was mucho delicioso (not kidding! Actually translation!), to say in two words. So, I got up, and left the restaurant happy..... with the food, that is.
SERVICE: The service was very patient and very nice (whatever happened to those La Rotisserie or Steve's guys?). Why do I use "patient" instead of the misused "friendly" (so misused..... because a bunch of first-graders SOOOO want to have a "friendly" game of kickball..... and don't forget, everyone's a winner!)? Because it actually took a bit for me to decide.... and they were SO patient, that when I needed more time, I only needed thirty seconds, and they didn't come back for several minutes. Man, those guys are some lazy people. Yeah right.
ATMOSPHERE: Calm, collected, and cool..... literally. This place is the coldest restaurant I have ever been in. The air conditioning was over done like Blair Witch 2. If people transporting Otzi the Iceman are in Rhinebeck, and need a place to eat while keeping the mummy cold at the same time, they should eat here. I needed a jacket to stay in the place. And the bathroom did nothing for warmth either. It improved by ten degrees, but still, it was cold as Richard Nixon. At least the floors and bathroom was clean. That's something, right?
PRICE: Three people, fifty-five dollars, four entrees. My entree was twenty-four dollars-excluding the salad, which was six dollars. Sure, that's not a lot, but if your BMI is 25 or above, that might turn into the maple brined double-thick pork chop with tart cherry-port wine demi glace. Oh, and if you can say that in one breath, you get the star ranch natural beef braised short rib gratinee, slow cooked in a rich beef and onion broth over yukon gold mashed potatoes topped with caramelized onions and melted gruyere crostini. And it's all for around twenty five dollars!
RATING: Terrapin is a good tasting eatery with small portions and cold temperatures. And don't forget the """"nice"""" descriptions, like the hudson valley cattle company sirloin served with a choice of Terrapin's horseradish steak sauce or roquefort blue cheese butter, mashed potatoes or horse-cut shoestring fries! Come and get it! Terrapin gets a two out of five.
TYPE OF FOOD: American (?)
REVIEW: Restaurants have to be perfectly balanced, like Obama's "bipartisan" Congress (good luck with that one, ha). If one state goes against what it should vote for to vote for "change", then the whole thing would fall apart (deja vu, huh?). And for once, I didn't know that while driving to the place. I only discovered that, after my mass passed into the legal property of the establishment referred from now on as "the place", "the restaurant", or "Terrapin" (what a surprise).
Looking at the menu, I started firing brain cells in order to think about what to get. Should I get "New York state" duck with peking sauce (ooh! I'll get Arizona state quesadillas! It costs three times the regular cost for immigrants!)? Or the "grilled" "portobello" """""""steaks"""""""? After a bundle of minutes (cellphones with projector, fullscreen, twenty hour battery, thirty megabites, scissors and key chain sold separately), I decided on the harmless, riskless, and secure option (switching to Greek banks!): the grilled salmon with potatoes and asparagus. After depending on my gluteus maximus muscle for about twenty minutes on an empty stomach, my food arrived.
The salmon was very good, and was not undercooked. The potatoes were very good, but there was a lack of them (why does this keep happening?). The asparagus was also very nice, and I enjoyed the dish overall, but I was still left hungry (oh look, there's Bernie). I ordered a salad with balsamic vinaigrette. The salad was mucho delicioso (not kidding! Actually translation!), to say in two words. So, I got up, and left the restaurant happy..... with the food, that is.
SERVICE: The service was very patient and very nice (whatever happened to those La Rotisserie or Steve's guys?). Why do I use "patient" instead of the misused "friendly" (so misused..... because a bunch of first-graders SOOOO want to have a "friendly" game of kickball..... and don't forget, everyone's a winner!)? Because it actually took a bit for me to decide.... and they were SO patient, that when I needed more time, I only needed thirty seconds, and they didn't come back for several minutes. Man, those guys are some lazy people. Yeah right.
ATMOSPHERE: Calm, collected, and cool..... literally. This place is the coldest restaurant I have ever been in. The air conditioning was over done like Blair Witch 2. If people transporting Otzi the Iceman are in Rhinebeck, and need a place to eat while keeping the mummy cold at the same time, they should eat here. I needed a jacket to stay in the place. And the bathroom did nothing for warmth either. It improved by ten degrees, but still, it was cold as Richard Nixon. At least the floors and bathroom was clean. That's something, right?
PRICE: Three people, fifty-five dollars, four entrees. My entree was twenty-four dollars-excluding the salad, which was six dollars. Sure, that's not a lot, but if your BMI is 25 or above, that might turn into the maple brined double-thick pork chop with tart cherry-port wine demi glace. Oh, and if you can say that in one breath, you get the star ranch natural beef braised short rib gratinee, slow cooked in a rich beef and onion broth over yukon gold mashed potatoes topped with caramelized onions and melted gruyere crostini. And it's all for around twenty five dollars!
RATING: Terrapin is a good tasting eatery with small portions and cold temperatures. And don't forget the """"nice"""" descriptions, like the hudson valley cattle company sirloin served with a choice of Terrapin's horseradish steak sauce or roquefort blue cheese butter, mashed potatoes or horse-cut shoestring fries! Come and get it! Terrapin gets a two out of five.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
McKinney and Doyle
LOCATION: 10 Charles Colman Boulevard Pawling, NY 12564
TYPE OF FOOD: Bar/American (?)
REVIEW: Before I begin, let me say something. I am absolutely 100% against alcohol. I think, along with drugs, guns, war, fast food, rap music, Lady Gaga, Justin Bieber, Twilight, global warming, PETA, arguments, the evil eye, nor'easters, hurricanes, Wal-Mart, and high-fructose corn syrup, that it is ruining America (I'm getting deja vu...). And now for the feature presentation (cell phones must remain off at all times).
Looking at the menu, I debated over what to have (and I did it better than Congress can! Finally we can have bipartisan bills..... or not). What should my stomach acids dissolve? Should I have Shellfish and Pesto (wait, hold on, where did they get their shellfish? I'm on to you, Maine.... York's Wild Animal Kingdom will not distract me!)? Or should I have the Grilled "Baseball Cut" Sirloin (did they hire Randy Johnson or something? I guess steaks are one step higher than birds...)? Eventually I decided to go Johnny Knoxville on my own dang self, and went for the Russian Roulette option: the Oriental Tuna Steak with mixed field greens and dijon vinaigrette drizzled with ginger wasabi (how many dressings do I need? Should I add low-fat creamy Ranch? Low-fat and creamy.... Eat This, Not That lied to me!). I ordered it, and about twenty minutes later, it arrived.
Now you might ask why it's so bad to order something like this, and no, it's not because I was in the same restaurant where Tony Soprano was (if I ever hear, "I've ordered something for the table," and that something happens to be onion rings.... oh boy). It's because that tuna was rare. And you are probably thinking (I hope you are thinking) it would be cold. Um, no, it wasn't cold, it was actually considerably warm. And it was very, very good. The wasabi added even more flavor, and so did the vegetables. Overall the dish was very good. Finally, I got up, walked towards the door, opened it, crossed the street to the car, got into the car, and drove off.
SERVICE: The service was, in one word, usual. They were all wearing the same thing (preps.... must.... resist.... desire.. to... ruin.... argyle sweaters.... where do they sell paintball pellets?), and seemed busy. Note "seemed". They were frequently printing out receipts and papers, standing around there.... hmm. I'm going to be watching the Amazon for a little bit....
ATMOSPHERE: The place had several quotes from famous people, like Charles de Gaulle's quote, "How can you be expected to run a country with 246 different types of cheese?" (How can you be expected to save a body of water 810 nautical miles wide from four million barrels of oil? Gosh, people are so buck-passing...) among others. The most interesting thing though, is the bathroom. The bathroom is more squished together than one would be if a sumo wrestler sat on them. And sure, the bathroom is clean, there's a sink... but for some reason they put a chair in there. A regular, old, made illegally using Amazon wood, chair. The only good use of the thing is to make the path to the sink thinner than Chicago Cubs' chance of of winning the World Series. Don't worry Cubs fans. Just wait until next century.
PRICE: Four people, fifty-five dollars. It might seem a little on the heavy side (just go down South for that), but, hey, two wines factored in adds a little. Alcohol. Ruining your body and your personal life. And if you buy in the next five minutes, we'll throw damage to your wallet absolutely free! Just pay nine dollars of shipping and handling!
RATING: McKinney and Doyle is a nice classic eatery with variety and taste. Yes, there are sort of high prices, and random chairs in bathrooms, but hey, aren't we just emerging from a recession? Or at least I think we are. I don't know. Whatever Ben Bernanke says, goes. After all, he's TIME's Person of the Year. Okay, how did he win and not Michael Jackson? Gosh, the world's unfair. McKinney and Doyle gets a five out of five.
TYPE OF FOOD: Bar/American (?)
REVIEW: Before I begin, let me say something. I am absolutely 100% against alcohol. I think, along with drugs, guns, war, fast food, rap music, Lady Gaga, Justin Bieber, Twilight, global warming, PETA, arguments, the evil eye, nor'easters, hurricanes, Wal-Mart, and high-fructose corn syrup, that it is ruining America (I'm getting deja vu...). And now for the feature presentation (cell phones must remain off at all times).
Looking at the menu, I debated over what to have (and I did it better than Congress can! Finally we can have bipartisan bills..... or not). What should my stomach acids dissolve? Should I have Shellfish and Pesto (wait, hold on, where did they get their shellfish? I'm on to you, Maine.... York's Wild Animal Kingdom will not distract me!)? Or should I have the Grilled "Baseball Cut" Sirloin (did they hire Randy Johnson or something? I guess steaks are one step higher than birds...)? Eventually I decided to go Johnny Knoxville on my own dang self, and went for the Russian Roulette option: the Oriental Tuna Steak with mixed field greens and dijon vinaigrette drizzled with ginger wasabi (how many dressings do I need? Should I add low-fat creamy Ranch? Low-fat and creamy.... Eat This, Not That lied to me!). I ordered it, and about twenty minutes later, it arrived.
Now you might ask why it's so bad to order something like this, and no, it's not because I was in the same restaurant where Tony Soprano was (if I ever hear, "I've ordered something for the table," and that something happens to be onion rings.... oh boy). It's because that tuna was rare. And you are probably thinking (I hope you are thinking) it would be cold. Um, no, it wasn't cold, it was actually considerably warm. And it was very, very good. The wasabi added even more flavor, and so did the vegetables. Overall the dish was very good. Finally, I got up, walked towards the door, opened it, crossed the street to the car, got into the car, and drove off.
SERVICE: The service was, in one word, usual. They were all wearing the same thing (preps.... must.... resist.... desire.. to... ruin.... argyle sweaters.... where do they sell paintball pellets?), and seemed busy. Note "seemed". They were frequently printing out receipts and papers, standing around there.... hmm. I'm going to be watching the Amazon for a little bit....
ATMOSPHERE: The place had several quotes from famous people, like Charles de Gaulle's quote, "How can you be expected to run a country with 246 different types of cheese?" (How can you be expected to save a body of water 810 nautical miles wide from four million barrels of oil? Gosh, people are so buck-passing...) among others. The most interesting thing though, is the bathroom. The bathroom is more squished together than one would be if a sumo wrestler sat on them. And sure, the bathroom is clean, there's a sink... but for some reason they put a chair in there. A regular, old, made illegally using Amazon wood, chair. The only good use of the thing is to make the path to the sink thinner than Chicago Cubs' chance of of winning the World Series. Don't worry Cubs fans. Just wait until next century.
PRICE: Four people, fifty-five dollars. It might seem a little on the heavy side (just go down South for that), but, hey, two wines factored in adds a little. Alcohol. Ruining your body and your personal life. And if you buy in the next five minutes, we'll throw damage to your wallet absolutely free! Just pay nine dollars of shipping and handling!
RATING: McKinney and Doyle is a nice classic eatery with variety and taste. Yes, there are sort of high prices, and random chairs in bathrooms, but hey, aren't we just emerging from a recession? Or at least I think we are. I don't know. Whatever Ben Bernanke says, goes. After all, he's TIME's Person of the Year. Okay, how did he win and not Michael Jackson? Gosh, the world's unfair. McKinney and Doyle gets a five out of five.
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