Fresh

LOCATION: 864 Queen Street West Toronto, Canada
TYPE OF FOOD: Vegetarian (eat it, Corn Refiners Association... high-fructose corn syrup is good for you... it's as good for you as Lindsay Lohan is out of jail)
REVIEW: "Health food" places can be one of the most dangerous places for food. When performed correctly, the profits will be better than homemade pizza is average (there's no taste in any of it!). But should you fail... well, America never fails. We'll just put a big banner in front of the place saying, "Dishin' Accomplished". Then we'll put the owners on the streets. Only in America (Canada... oh yeah, that place with maple leaves and seals)!

Looking at the very healthy menu (healthy... only one bacon cheeseburger with buns buttered instead of two. I've lost 52 pounds!), I decided on ordering a juice (Tropicana, Florida's Best, and Odwalla. Carbs, sugars, and 30% real fruit!). Which one should I have, though? Should I get an "Avocado Smoothie" (avocado, spinach, banana, and coconut water... that's a fancy guacamole!)? The "Oompa Loompa" (I wonder if Deep Roy has ever been to this place...)? Or maybe even the "Singer's Saving Grace" (a meat dress!)? After some thinking, I decided to go for the simplest option (hacking into the system to find the Golden Ticket instead of spending five dollars on hydrogenated lecithin, calcium caseinate and wheat flour hydrolysate?): the "Breathless" smoothie: mango, banana, and strawberry (call me a wimp, call me a coward, just don't call me a Tea Partier.... I just want to eat crumpets and drink jasmine in peace!). After a couple of minutes, my drink came.

Oh. My. (insert religious deity). The smoothie was definitely, absolutely, delicious. It was more delicious than the Republican Party misunderestimated the Tea Party (from one kick in the balls to another kick in the balls. Except they're wearing cowboy boots.). It was so delicious, I stopped thinking about my entree. I did order my entree however, and chose the American option: the mushroom-onion burger. A little while after I ordered that, it came. There's no actual meat in it, but it was still muy, muy, muy, muy, muy, muy, muy, muy bueno. Y por lo tanto, levante, salieron a la puerta, camino por mas de una hora por la ciudad, consiguio en el coche y fue a mi hotel.

SERVICE: The service is, quite literally, some 22 to 30 year old people (finally, we can get a new Janis Joplin... I'm not taking Serena Gomez as an answer!). They were nice, seemed to know their stuff (I'll stick with 60's, 70's, 80's, and every now-and-then 90's), and were full of energy (why can't Deval Patrick be that? He gets elected, inauguration.... um... casinos... economy.. and... floods). When was the last time the Republican Party put up a candidate with all three of those babies? Oh right.. Theodore Roosevelt. I stand corrected.

ATMOSPHERE: Clean floors, low noise level, green bathrooms, Buddhist statues and good lighting... um... do I really need to say anything more? Hmm.... nah.

PRICE: Both parts of my meal was $15.50. So for one person, bring twenty. Let me explain this in laymans terms: one delicious and high quality smoothie/juice, and one amazing entree. Cha-ching.

EXAMEN: Fresh es un restaurante de deliciosos y de alta calidad que cada vegetariano debe visitar al menos una vez en su vida. Y si no lo hace, estará lo sentimos. Hola, he oído que Porter tiene tarifas bajas. Sbarro, líneas de seguridad supuestamente largo y aleatoria scupltures aquí llegamos. Fresh obtiene un cinco de cinco.