Perkins

LOCATION: Niagara Falls, Canada
TYPE OF FOOD: Canadian (what do they eat here?)
REVIEW: Being north of the border can be a great relief to some people (me). No Scott Brown. No Sarah Palin. PETA, well, that's one thing, but otherwise Canada is mighty fine (okay, never saying that again). But, you may ask, sitting in your apartment and/or office trying to make a spread sheet but Windows shut down suddenly because you "overloaded the server" for the eleventh time this week and you what to calm down by reading political ranting but you don't want to watch Glenn Beck so you go here (thanks!), "What is my view of Canada?" French getting thrown around. And maple leaves. Yep, I'm an American. And that was what I thought as went into Perkin's.

Well, Canada is not a far throw from Massachusetts. There was the usual "all-day breakfast" which loses it's quality and charm at 2 o' clock (who uses that expression any more? 1920's enthusiasts?). There's the apparently healthy "butter-steamed broccoli" (well, there's butter.... but it's broccoli! So it has to be healthy, right? RIGHT?). And then of course there's one of the least appetizing thing of all: the Kickin Chicken sandwich (breaded chicken breast, pepper Jack cheese, "Onion Tanglers", smoked bacon, spicy Chipotle Ranch dressing, lettuce and tomato.... if you didn't gag at the "Onion Tanglers", then I don't know what to tell you). So after some searching, I finally decided my answer: pork chops with sauteed spinach and a side salad. After ten to fifteen minutes, the salad was placed in front of the muscles in my head.

The salad had cheese and croutons on top. Look, I love a good Greek salad, but American cheese? From actual cows? No, no, no. So, as a consequence, I ate plain lettuce. Five minutes or so later, the entree came. The pork chops were actually very good (sorry Rosh Hashanah folks). The meat was grilled very nicely. As for the spinach, the spinach, too, was delicious. The sauteing was really brought out, and every individual leaf was wet and cooked. So, I got up, walked through the door, went to my hotel room, changed into a bathing suit, and went to the waterpark attached to the hotel to embrace my inner four year old (oh yeah, YALL!).

SERVICE: The service was nice, and possibly even American (we win, Jan Brewer!). She was wearing a uniform (yep, I am living in 1929... Great Depression.... America gets optimistic about someone and elects him as president.... and now uniforms. Where's The Gold Rush when you need it?), and working quite hard. Of course, since I have no idea about Canadian service, this is a total guess, but hey? Massachusetts is smart, right? We've come back since January... right?

ATMOSPHERE: The atmosphere was simpler than nutrition (don't eat the darn fat! It's that simple!). There were a few pictures on the wall, and the floors were nice and clean... but it was more plain than the number of viral videos that go through the web every month (this video, that video.... remember Double Rainbow? So August 2010). There's goes bragging about attention spans. Oh look, Lady Gaga wore some meat dress. Like, OMG!

PRICE: The price was (I can't give an exact number) eleven to twenty-five dollars, per entree. Hmm..... cheap.... but not cheap. Cheap..... but..... not cheap. A-ok, or bleh. Ted Kennedy or Scott Brown. Sitting on the beach or sitting with pneumonia..... I'll bring the cooler!

RATING: Perkins is a place serving decent food for an (allegedly) good price. But the atmosphere is basic (allegedly) and uniforms reign king (allegedly), so it's really a mixed bag (you know, I was going to say apparently, but allegedly works too). No I don't live in 1929, I live in the 90's. Dolly the sheep. Bill Clinton. Nirvana. Close enough. Perkins gets a four out of five.