LOCATION: 353 Cambridge Street Allston, MA 02134 (I'm back in the seat which you place on a horse in order to ride it!)
TYPE OF FOOD: Pizzeria (Really? I thought it was Chinese)
REVIEW: Eating out often provides two meals instead of just one, which of course means leftovers (and possibly bribing the little man who turns the light on the fridge to come out and play Black Ops for thirty-three and a half hours straight). And of course, for me, it means lunch found in three minutes time during the weekend (how do the British handle eating the same thing almost every day?). Usually, I am able to down four to five slices, but I started feeling sick after a mere three (I'm one-fifteenth of the way there, Joey Chestnut, one-fifteenth...). Lying on the couch trying to stretch my stomach, I tried looking back eighteen hours to figure out what had happened.
Looking at the menu, I saw a variety of "World Famous" options. I mean, who hasn't heard of the zucchini sticks served with Ranch dressing? Or maybe the Bostonian "Wedgie" (served with a pair of boxers fresh from Fruit of the Loom!)? But really, who hasn't, in the whole wide world, heard of the "Hand Breaded Buffalo Chicken Tender Sandwich Served Open Faced" with blue cheese dressing (me neither)? Despite the options, I decided to go the slightly more famous choice, and got a mushroom pizza with a side salad.
After a small wait, the salad arrived sitting on porcelain, which in turn sat a slab of wood. The salad was delicious and was fresh, and it sent satisfactory signals to my brain. A few minutes afterward, the pizza arrived. It was delicious, with fresh ingredients and was still full of energy transfered to it from the oven onto it. After eating several slices, there was still some left, so naturally, like any good penny-pinching person living in 2011, I took the remainder out of the ovens, tables, and walls forming the place known as "Pizzeria Regina". I won't describe what happened the next day, but let's just say, incorporating what I said above, I got "the bloat boat".
SERVICE: The service there was (a shocker) serving quite well (gasp). They were energetic and attentive. The waitress for me offered some complimentary bread, which I turned down, and she accepted it as if I had said yes. If only everyone could do that. Cough, cough, Winklevosses, you already got your 120 million so just take the money and go, cough, sneeze, cough. Excuse me, I seemed to have gotten an alleged broken oral contract stuck in my epiglottis...
ATMOSPHERE: The atmosphere was loud, and filled with many people (I guess that's where the noise came from, my other theory was all of that talk about Watson... I guess he found out about H&R Block long before Jennings did...). The bathrooms were clean, with several signs advertising and telling employees to wash their hands (Big Brother is everywhere... and he wants you to attend Blue Man Group on Tuesday at 8 p.m. The floors were reasonably clean, and televisions were placed in several places playing ESPN SportScience. Did you know that the red rings of a archery target is the same as a standard tire? For the trivia buffs (what is a trivia buff, anyway?)!
PRICE: The pizza was fifteen dollars and twenty cents and the salad was four dollars, leaving the total at nineteen dollars and twenty cents (I guess fifteen plus four does equal nineteen... and that pi equals 3.2! I guess Indiana was right after all!). For a sixteen inch pizza, it's expensive, but considering it's high quality, I can be tempted to let it slide. Although I might need more in order to really let it slide. Psst, I would $10000 in cash, a lifetime supply of free pizza, and free airline tickets to anywhere I want (Lake Pontchartrain, here I come!). Leave it under the mat, in a brown envelope, labeled "Pizzaz". Tuesday, 11:20 a.m. sharp. Do it soon!
RATING: Pizzeria Regina is a great local chain, with good quality food, service, and atmosphere. While the price might be a little hard for some, everything else gives a well-rounded experience to any visitor. Psst, Pizzeria Regina. I will not make the delivery person say, "I'm gonna make him a offer he can't refuse." Although if he does it, that would be cool. With Robert DeNiro nearby. This is for you, guys! Pizzeria Regina gets a four out of five.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Friday, January 7, 2011
Metro Diner
LOCATION: 2641 Broadway New York City, NY 10025
TYPE OF FOOD: Diner (I pulled that out of a hat, didn't I?)
REVIEW: There are more diners in the 6,720 square miles that most people call "New York City" (and for one person, "Ding-Dong La La Land") than any spot of equal or larger size (it's free with Hartford! Hurry now and you'll get Stamford!) on the planet. The names however, aren't too creative: "Skylight Diner" (I wonder what's in it), "City Diner" (I wonder where it is), and even "The Diner" (I wonder what happened to the adjective). With that in mind, I got into a cab and entered the "Metro Diner" (it's better than the "Square Diner").
Directing the organs which convert light into electro-chemical impulses in neutrons onto the printer toner that formed sentences with the title, "Menu" on it, I tried to use the center of my nervous system to "place" an order. There was the "Plain Bagel" (ooh, that's sounds rich), the "Thomas' English Muffin" (full of flavor), and don't forget, the "Giant Hand-Rolled Water Bagel" (now I don't need a drink! Let's get it!). After two seconds of seeing the my choice, I got the one, the only, "Metro Multi-Grain Waffle" with nuts and fruits with a fruit salad. After a few minutes, the waffle arrived (with departure scheduled for thirty minutes to twenty-four hours).
The waffle was chewy, and I could tell it came from some sort of pre-made mix. The nuts on top were not crushed, and the only real fruits on top were strawberries and blueberries. Still, the waffle was able to be consumed and digested by the acids in my stomach, so the waffle vanished within a few minutes. The fruit salad was fresh and I could eat that as well. Reasonably happy, within a little bit of me standing up, I was out on the streets of New York, New York, United States, Northwestern Hemisphere, Earth, Solar System, Universe once again.
SERVICE: The service was (insert synonyms of "good" here), but they were not extra-ordinary (ex-tra-or-din-ary, not ex-chor-din-ary, no "chor"! Unless you're a teenager, then..... go clean your room!). While they served the food and were patient as normal, they did not do it in the perfect, amazing, Pauline Kael approved way. And no, I do not think "Rain Man" stinks (what the heck is "a wet piece of kitsch"?).
ATMOSPHERE: The diner's atmosphere was similar to a crowded subway car in terms of the amount of noise (except for the first soprano shrieking at the very end). Despite the sound similarities, the floors were not covered in lollipop remains and Juicy Fruit blobs. The floors were clean, and as were the bathrooms when I stepped in. Luckily, there was no fat lady wearing Viking garb to "warm their vocal cords". I wonder if they use a space heater....
PRICE: The total price was an Alexander Hamilton plus an Abraham Lincoln (or it's three Abraham Lincolns.... or it is seven Thomas Jefferson's plus one George Washington.. and it's also, guess what, one Alexander Hamilton plus two Thomas Jefferson's plus one George Washington! Isn't it so exciting?). The fruit salad plus the fruit on the waffle was good, but the waffle being a mix... oh. Last time, I thought those mixes cost only five dollars. But I guess I thought the astrological forecasts were all correct. My bad.
RATING: Metro Diner is a well-performing diner in the heart of Diner City (with the kidneys of Diner City on the left). The atmosphere and service were very good, but with the waffle being from a mix and the price being a tiny bit too high, it narrowly misses the mark. Lesson learned: don't do an onside kick when your kicker is 1 out of 4 on them. I wonder where that came from. Metro Diner gets a four out of five.
TYPE OF FOOD: Diner (I pulled that out of a hat, didn't I?)
REVIEW: There are more diners in the 6,720 square miles that most people call "New York City" (and for one person, "Ding-Dong La La Land") than any spot of equal or larger size (it's free with Hartford! Hurry now and you'll get Stamford!) on the planet. The names however, aren't too creative: "Skylight Diner" (I wonder what's in it), "City Diner" (I wonder where it is), and even "The Diner" (I wonder what happened to the adjective). With that in mind, I got into a cab and entered the "Metro Diner" (it's better than the "Square Diner").
Directing the organs which convert light into electro-chemical impulses in neutrons onto the printer toner that formed sentences with the title, "Menu" on it, I tried to use the center of my nervous system to "place" an order. There was the "Plain Bagel" (ooh, that's sounds rich), the "Thomas' English Muffin" (full of flavor), and don't forget, the "Giant Hand-Rolled Water Bagel" (now I don't need a drink! Let's get it!). After two seconds of seeing the my choice, I got the one, the only, "Metro Multi-Grain Waffle" with nuts and fruits with a fruit salad. After a few minutes, the waffle arrived (with departure scheduled for thirty minutes to twenty-four hours).
The waffle was chewy, and I could tell it came from some sort of pre-made mix. The nuts on top were not crushed, and the only real fruits on top were strawberries and blueberries. Still, the waffle was able to be consumed and digested by the acids in my stomach, so the waffle vanished within a few minutes. The fruit salad was fresh and I could eat that as well. Reasonably happy, within a little bit of me standing up, I was out on the streets of New York, New York, United States, Northwestern Hemisphere, Earth, Solar System, Universe once again.
SERVICE: The service was (insert synonyms of "good" here), but they were not extra-ordinary (ex-tra-or-din-ary, not ex-chor-din-ary, no "chor"! Unless you're a teenager, then..... go clean your room!). While they served the food and were patient as normal, they did not do it in the perfect, amazing, Pauline Kael approved way. And no, I do not think "Rain Man" stinks (what the heck is "a wet piece of kitsch"?).
ATMOSPHERE: The diner's atmosphere was similar to a crowded subway car in terms of the amount of noise (except for the first soprano shrieking at the very end). Despite the sound similarities, the floors were not covered in lollipop remains and Juicy Fruit blobs. The floors were clean, and as were the bathrooms when I stepped in. Luckily, there was no fat lady wearing Viking garb to "warm their vocal cords". I wonder if they use a space heater....
PRICE: The total price was an Alexander Hamilton plus an Abraham Lincoln (or it's three Abraham Lincolns.... or it is seven Thomas Jefferson's plus one George Washington.. and it's also, guess what, one Alexander Hamilton plus two Thomas Jefferson's plus one George Washington! Isn't it so exciting?). The fruit salad plus the fruit on the waffle was good, but the waffle being a mix... oh. Last time, I thought those mixes cost only five dollars. But I guess I thought the astrological forecasts were all correct. My bad.
RATING: Metro Diner is a well-performing diner in the heart of Diner City (with the kidneys of Diner City on the left). The atmosphere and service were very good, but with the waffle being from a mix and the price being a tiny bit too high, it narrowly misses the mark. Lesson learned: don't do an onside kick when your kicker is 1 out of 4 on them. I wonder where that came from. Metro Diner gets a four out of five.
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