Metro Diner

LOCATION: 2641 Broadway New York City, NY 10025
TYPE OF FOOD: Diner (I pulled that out of a hat, didn't I?)
REVIEW: There are more diners in the 6,720 square miles that most people call "New York City" (and for one person, "Ding-Dong La La Land") than any spot of equal or larger size (it's free with Hartford! Hurry now and you'll get Stamford!) on the planet. The names however, aren't too creative: "Skylight Diner" (I wonder what's in it), "City Diner" (I wonder where it is), and even "The Diner" (I wonder what happened to the adjective). With that in mind, I got into a cab and entered the "Metro Diner" (it's better than the "Square Diner").

Directing the organs which convert light into electro-chemical impulses in neutrons onto the printer toner that formed sentences with the title, "Menu" on it, I tried to use the center of my nervous system to "place" an order. There was the "Plain Bagel" (ooh, that's sounds rich), the "Thomas' English Muffin" (full of flavor), and don't forget, the "Giant Hand-Rolled Water Bagel" (now I don't need a drink! Let's get it!). After two seconds of seeing the my choice, I got the one, the only, "Metro Multi-Grain Waffle" with nuts and fruits with a fruit salad. After a few minutes, the waffle arrived (with departure scheduled for thirty minutes to twenty-four hours).

The waffle was chewy, and I could tell it came from some sort of pre-made mix. The nuts on top were not crushed, and the only real fruits on top were strawberries and blueberries. Still, the waffle was able to be consumed and digested by the acids in my stomach, so the waffle vanished within a few minutes. The fruit salad was fresh and I could eat that as well. Reasonably happy, within a little bit of me standing up, I was out on the streets of New York, New York, United States, Northwestern Hemisphere, Earth, Solar System, Universe once again.

SERVICE: The service was (insert synonyms of "good" here), but they were not extra-ordinary (ex-tra-or-din-ary, not ex-chor-din-ary, no "chor"! Unless you're a teenager, then..... go clean your room!). While they served the food and were patient as normal, they did not do it in the perfect, amazing, Pauline Kael approved way. And no, I do not think "Rain Man" stinks (what the heck is "a wet piece of kitsch"?).

ATMOSPHERE: The diner's atmosphere was similar to a crowded subway car in terms of the amount of noise (except for the first soprano shrieking at the very end). Despite the sound similarities, the floors were not covered in lollipop remains and Juicy Fruit blobs. The floors were clean, and as were the bathrooms when I stepped in. Luckily, there was no fat lady wearing Viking garb to "warm their vocal cords". I wonder if they use a space heater....

PRICE: The total price was an Alexander Hamilton plus an Abraham Lincoln (or it's three Abraham Lincolns.... or it is seven Thomas Jefferson's plus one George Washington.. and it's also, guess what, one Alexander Hamilton plus two Thomas Jefferson's plus one George Washington! Isn't it so exciting?). The fruit salad plus the fruit on the waffle was good, but the waffle being a mix... oh. Last time, I thought those mixes cost only five dollars. But I guess I thought the astrological forecasts were all correct. My bad.

RATING: Metro Diner is a well-performing diner in the heart of Diner City (with the kidneys of Diner City on the left). The atmosphere and service were very good, but with the waffle being from a mix and the price being a tiny bit too high, it narrowly misses the mark. Lesson learned: don't do an onside kick when your kicker is 1 out of 4 on them. I wonder where that came from. Metro Diner gets a four out of five.