Di Fara's

LOCATION: 1424 Avenue J Brooklyn, NY 11230
TYPE OF FOOD: Pizzeria
REVIEW: The classic "New York style pizza" (what isn't there a "New York style" of?) is world-renown. What makes it so special? That is what I was thinking of Di Fara's, which I heard was the greatest pizza ever. Period (question mark?). So after at least a half hour drive, I found a parking spot just across the street, pulled into the spot got on the line and...

.... waited. There were only a few people in front of me, so it only passed in about ten minutes. I got inside, ordered what I wanted (a mushroom pizza-I never say pie, pie is a fruit dessert, not a savory, easy to eat dinner/lunch-they need to get it right!), and stepped outside. After about fifteen minutes, I went to use the restroom at a nearby Dunkin' Donuts. In Boston they always (ALWAYS!!) have bathrooms, when I asked to use the bathroom, they said they didn't have one-they are in BROOKLYN. I then went to a Walgreens. In Boston they never (NEVER!!) have a bathroom. And guess what? Yep, they had one (no wonder Bostonians hate New York so much....). Half an hour. Forty-five minutes. One hour. Finally the pizza came-after at least seventy minutes (not factoring in the drive-that puts it at about two hours.... dios mio!). I went to the car and ate on the back hood (sounds like a rap line- "Yo dog, I ate on the back hood! Peace!").

The pizza was very, very good. The Parmesan the person put on as he took it out of the oven added a nice cheesy (in referring to the cheese) taste to it. He also added basil, which added to the elements. The crust was very nice, as was the sauce (sadly it wasn't burnt.... darn... you can't always get what you want... ugh, that line is used too much...). So, after eating half the pizza, I threw away the trash and left ("And now I'm leaving Brooklyn, dog, and never comin' back! One, two! I'm out!").

SERVICE: There appears to be only four people-and half of them work in the back. The person at the counter seemed depressed almost and acted sort of like the aide to the evil villain in horror movies (the hunched back one that does whatever his "master" says and only says, "Yes, my master" or "Right away, my master" or "I'll get that, master"-the person does not actually say these lines, though and is not hunch-backed). The person who makes the pizzas must be at least sixty and never says anything. In fact, in between the two, there are only four lines: "Next," "What are your initials?", "(type of pizza)," and "(initials)" (they would annoy Gordon Ramsay in a heartbeat). And they are very, VERY slow (slower than Cape Cod going into the ocean, and that's two centimeters a year.... why?). In fact, they only make about five pizzas at a time. So basically you wait an hour for NOT your food! Huh, I wonder why they have a line?

ATMOSPHERE: The atmosphere is based around one thing: that thing is obvious (using scissors to cut basil! 100% serious!). There are a few pictures that hang near the wall; they are of the person making the pizzas making the pizzas (times two time!). Oh, did I mention that the place is 110 degrees? I couldn't stay in there for ten minutes; the other people couldn't either. And the air-conditioning unit they had above the door? Dripping with fluid. I think this place is starting to seriously annoy me....

PRICE: Twenty-eight dollars for my pizza. A pizza with one topping. ONE topping. Bertucci's cost half of that for one person. HALF (these capitalized words are scaring me....). 50%. Cincuenta. Spanish and badness? Ruh-roh.

RATING: Di Fara's is a interesting place. Food? Excellent. Atmosphere? Meh. Service? Bla. Wait? Worse than "Master of Disguise", Arizona, BP, the Currier Museum Cafe, Gilbert Godfried, the iPhone 4, the Twilight saga, Justin Bieber, Lady Gaga, Benedict Arnold, the vuvuzela, bug bites, the flu, the Iraq War, cilantro, poison ivy, lisps, the letter "x", teen drama shows and historical fiction combined. North Korea, South Korea, Marilyn Monroe. Di Fara's gets a two out of five.