McKinney and Doyle

LOCATION: 10 Charles Colman Boulevard Pawling, NY 12564
TYPE OF FOOD: Bar/American (?)
REVIEW: Before I begin, let me say something. I am absolutely 100% against alcohol. I think, along with drugs, guns, war, fast food, rap music, Lady Gaga, Justin Bieber, Twilight, global warming, PETA, arguments, the evil eye, nor'easters, hurricanes, Wal-Mart, and high-fructose corn syrup, that it is ruining America (I'm getting deja vu...). And now for the feature presentation (cell phones must remain off at all times).

Looking at the menu, I debated over what to have (and I did it better than Congress can! Finally we can have bipartisan bills..... or not). What should my stomach acids dissolve? Should I have Shellfish and Pesto (wait, hold on, where did they get their shellfish? I'm on to you, Maine.... York's Wild Animal Kingdom will not distract me!)? Or should I have the Grilled "Baseball Cut" Sirloin (did they hire Randy Johnson or something? I guess steaks are one step higher than birds...)? Eventually I decided to go Johnny Knoxville on my own dang self, and went for the Russian Roulette option: the Oriental Tuna Steak with mixed field greens and dijon vinaigrette drizzled with ginger wasabi (how many dressings do I need? Should I add low-fat creamy Ranch? Low-fat and creamy.... Eat This, Not That lied to me!). I ordered it, and about twenty minutes later, it arrived.

Now you might ask why it's so bad to order something like this, and no, it's not because I was in the same restaurant where Tony Soprano was (if I ever hear, "I've ordered something for the table," and that something happens to be onion rings.... oh boy). It's because that tuna was rare. And you are probably thinking (I hope you are thinking) it would be cold. Um, no, it wasn't cold, it was actually considerably warm. And it was very, very good. The wasabi added even more flavor, and so did the vegetables. Overall the dish was very good. Finally, I got up, walked towards the door, opened it, crossed the street to the car, got into the car, and drove off.

SERVICE: The service was, in one word, usual. They were all wearing the same thing (preps.... must.... resist.... desire.. to... ruin.... argyle sweaters.... where do they sell paintball pellets?), and seemed busy. Note "seemed". They were frequently printing out receipts and papers, standing around there.... hmm. I'm going to be watching the Amazon for a little bit....

ATMOSPHERE: The place had several quotes from famous people, like Charles de Gaulle's quote, "How can you be expected to run a country with 246 different types of cheese?" (How can you be expected to save a body of water 810 nautical miles wide from four million barrels of oil? Gosh, people are so buck-passing...) among others. The most interesting thing though, is the bathroom. The bathroom is more squished together than one would be if a sumo wrestler sat on them. And sure, the bathroom is clean, there's a sink... but for some reason they put a chair in there. A regular, old, made illegally using Amazon wood, chair. The only good use of the thing is to make the path to the sink thinner than Chicago Cubs' chance of of winning the World Series. Don't worry Cubs fans. Just wait until next century.

PRICE: Four people, fifty-five dollars. It might seem a little on the heavy side (just go down South for that), but, hey, two wines factored in adds a little. Alcohol. Ruining your body and your personal life. And if you buy in the next five minutes, we'll throw damage to your wallet absolutely free! Just pay nine dollars of shipping and handling!

RATING: McKinney and Doyle is a nice classic eatery with variety and taste. Yes, there are sort of high prices, and random chairs in bathrooms, but hey, aren't we just emerging from a recession? Or at least I think we are. I don't know. Whatever Ben Bernanke says, goes. After all, he's TIME's Person of the Year. Okay, how did he win and not Michael Jackson? Gosh, the world's unfair. McKinney and Doyle gets a five out of five.