LOCATION: 238 Commerce Drive Fairfield, CT
TYPE OF FOOD: Pizzeria
REVIEW: Before I begin, let me explain that this location is not the Frank Pepe Pizzeria, it's a Frank Pepe Pizzeria. The original location is in New Haven, but alas, I could not reach it and when to the Fairfield location (please don't throw stuff at your computer screen while you read this-I'm sorry! I know it's a copout... oh look, there's BP). And here I was at Pepe's.
There was a small line out the door (pizzerias and lines.... ugh), but for once the line moved fast (as a frequent customer, this as a big of a surprise as SillyBandz becoming popular.... where the heck did they come from?). I got inside in about ten minutes and sat down. Instantly I knew what I wanted: a large mushroom pizza. I ordered it along with tap water. After twenty minutes, the pizza came out on a rectangular silver tray which shined like Scott Brown's pickup truck (so shiny... must go against tradition for no reason whatsoever and vote for him... must.... must!). I took a slice and put it on my plate.
I have to stop here. I cannot describe the feeling that overwhelmed the small pink muscle in my mouth at that moment. I can and will try to contain the feeling better than the Gulf can in one word: heavenly. I kept eating. Two slices, three slices, four, I kept going and going, finally stopping after half of the thing had received a one-way ticket into my body. Finally, after the last half was into a cardboard box, I left and didn't stop until I returned to my home-state.
SERVICE: The service were always hard at work, delivering keys to heaven to tables often. They all were very, very patient, and never dropped a pizza once (if someone did... dun dun dun....). They all were always smiling (if they were smiling, I can deduce from that that they had lots of things in their mouth.... gum, crust, toothpicks, nails..... okay I creeped myself out there... I'm gonna stop now), and of course, nice and friendly. I need to find out who's their dentists....
ATMOSPHERE: The atmosphere was covered in black-and-white photos of the founder, Frank Pepe (who was allergic to tomatoes... um..... wait, what?). It had no trash on the floor, and the booth rows (seats? Beds? You tell me!)were soft and comfortable like toilet paper (under the roll is so much better! You may have won the battle, we will win Oprah Winfrey! If she can get millions of votes for Obama, she can get millions for UNDER the roll!). You know, I'm kind of getting sick of those commercials... you hardly feel anything any way.... what's the use?
PRICE: My pizza was eighteen dollars and sixty-five cents (keep in mind this is a large, ugh, pie). That factors in that for two people, bring forty-five dollars. And I will tell you, it is worth every penny. All four thousand, five hundred of them.
RATING: Pepe's is literally the doormat to heaven. If I were on death row, I would want to have this as my last meal. Along with roasted chicken, roasted potatoes, salad, fruit salad, green tea, black tea, seltzer, whole-wheat bread, burnt toast, grilled chicken, salmon, salmon skin, turkey, egg whites, roast beef, grapes, cooked onions and garlic, burnt onions and garlic, beef stew, and burnt beef stew. I'm going to need a lot of floss. Pepe's gets a five out of five.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Friday, July 16, 2010
Di Fara's
LOCATION: 1424 Avenue J Brooklyn, NY 11230
TYPE OF FOOD: Pizzeria
REVIEW: The classic "New York style pizza" (what isn't there a "New York style" of?) is world-renown. What makes it so special? That is what I was thinking of Di Fara's, which I heard was the greatest pizza ever. Period (question mark?). So after at least a half hour drive, I found a parking spot just across the street, pulled into the spot got on the line and...
.... waited. There were only a few people in front of me, so it only passed in about ten minutes. I got inside, ordered what I wanted (a mushroom pizza-I never say pie, pie is a fruit dessert, not a savory, easy to eat dinner/lunch-they need to get it right!), and stepped outside. After about fifteen minutes, I went to use the restroom at a nearby Dunkin' Donuts. In Boston they always (ALWAYS!!) have bathrooms, when I asked to use the bathroom, they said they didn't have one-they are in BROOKLYN. I then went to a Walgreens. In Boston they never (NEVER!!) have a bathroom. And guess what? Yep, they had one (no wonder Bostonians hate New York so much....). Half an hour. Forty-five minutes. One hour. Finally the pizza came-after at least seventy minutes (not factoring in the drive-that puts it at about two hours.... dios mio!). I went to the car and ate on the back hood (sounds like a rap line- "Yo dog, I ate on the back hood! Peace!").
The pizza was very, very good. The Parmesan the person put on as he took it out of the oven added a nice cheesy (in referring to the cheese) taste to it. He also added basil, which added to the elements. The crust was very nice, as was the sauce (sadly it wasn't burnt.... darn... you can't always get what you want... ugh, that line is used too much...). So, after eating half the pizza, I threw away the trash and left ("And now I'm leaving Brooklyn, dog, and never comin' back! One, two! I'm out!").
SERVICE: There appears to be only four people-and half of them work in the back. The person at the counter seemed depressed almost and acted sort of like the aide to the evil villain in horror movies (the hunched back one that does whatever his "master" says and only says, "Yes, my master" or "Right away, my master" or "I'll get that, master"-the person does not actually say these lines, though and is not hunch-backed). The person who makes the pizzas must be at least sixty and never says anything. In fact, in between the two, there are only four lines: "Next," "What are your initials?", "(type of pizza)," and "(initials)" (they would annoy Gordon Ramsay in a heartbeat). And they are very, VERY slow (slower than Cape Cod going into the ocean, and that's two centimeters a year.... why?). In fact, they only make about five pizzas at a time. So basically you wait an hour for NOT your food! Huh, I wonder why they have a line?
ATMOSPHERE: The atmosphere is based around one thing: that thing is obvious (using scissors to cut basil! 100% serious!). There are a few pictures that hang near the wall; they are of the person making the pizzas making the pizzas (times two time!). Oh, did I mention that the place is 110 degrees? I couldn't stay in there for ten minutes; the other people couldn't either. And the air-conditioning unit they had above the door? Dripping with fluid. I think this place is starting to seriously annoy me....
PRICE: Twenty-eight dollars for my pizza. A pizza with one topping. ONE topping. Bertucci's cost half of that for one person. HALF (these capitalized words are scaring me....). 50%. Cincuenta. Spanish and badness? Ruh-roh.
RATING: Di Fara's is a interesting place. Food? Excellent. Atmosphere? Meh. Service? Bla. Wait? Worse than "Master of Disguise", Arizona, BP, the Currier Museum Cafe, Gilbert Godfried, the iPhone 4, the Twilight saga, Justin Bieber, Lady Gaga, Benedict Arnold, the vuvuzela, bug bites, the flu, the Iraq War, cilantro, poison ivy, lisps, the letter "x", teen drama shows and historical fiction combined. North Korea, South Korea, Marilyn Monroe. Di Fara's gets a two out of five.
TYPE OF FOOD: Pizzeria
REVIEW: The classic "New York style pizza" (what isn't there a "New York style" of?) is world-renown. What makes it so special? That is what I was thinking of Di Fara's, which I heard was the greatest pizza ever. Period (question mark?). So after at least a half hour drive, I found a parking spot just across the street, pulled into the spot got on the line and...
.... waited. There were only a few people in front of me, so it only passed in about ten minutes. I got inside, ordered what I wanted (a mushroom pizza-I never say pie, pie is a fruit dessert, not a savory, easy to eat dinner/lunch-they need to get it right!), and stepped outside. After about fifteen minutes, I went to use the restroom at a nearby Dunkin' Donuts. In Boston they always (ALWAYS!!) have bathrooms, when I asked to use the bathroom, they said they didn't have one-they are in BROOKLYN. I then went to a Walgreens. In Boston they never (NEVER!!) have a bathroom. And guess what? Yep, they had one (no wonder Bostonians hate New York so much....). Half an hour. Forty-five minutes. One hour. Finally the pizza came-after at least seventy minutes (not factoring in the drive-that puts it at about two hours.... dios mio!). I went to the car and ate on the back hood (sounds like a rap line- "Yo dog, I ate on the back hood! Peace!").
The pizza was very, very good. The Parmesan the person put on as he took it out of the oven added a nice cheesy (in referring to the cheese) taste to it. He also added basil, which added to the elements. The crust was very nice, as was the sauce (sadly it wasn't burnt.... darn... you can't always get what you want... ugh, that line is used too much...). So, after eating half the pizza, I threw away the trash and left ("And now I'm leaving Brooklyn, dog, and never comin' back! One, two! I'm out!").
SERVICE: There appears to be only four people-and half of them work in the back. The person at the counter seemed depressed almost and acted sort of like the aide to the evil villain in horror movies (the hunched back one that does whatever his "master" says and only says, "Yes, my master" or "Right away, my master" or "I'll get that, master"-the person does not actually say these lines, though and is not hunch-backed). The person who makes the pizzas must be at least sixty and never says anything. In fact, in between the two, there are only four lines: "Next," "What are your initials?", "(type of pizza)," and "(initials)" (they would annoy Gordon Ramsay in a heartbeat). And they are very, VERY slow (slower than Cape Cod going into the ocean, and that's two centimeters a year.... why?). In fact, they only make about five pizzas at a time. So basically you wait an hour for NOT your food! Huh, I wonder why they have a line?
ATMOSPHERE: The atmosphere is based around one thing: that thing is obvious (using scissors to cut basil! 100% serious!). There are a few pictures that hang near the wall; they are of the person making the pizzas making the pizzas (times two time!). Oh, did I mention that the place is 110 degrees? I couldn't stay in there for ten minutes; the other people couldn't either. And the air-conditioning unit they had above the door? Dripping with fluid. I think this place is starting to seriously annoy me....
PRICE: Twenty-eight dollars for my pizza. A pizza with one topping. ONE topping. Bertucci's cost half of that for one person. HALF (these capitalized words are scaring me....). 50%. Cincuenta. Spanish and badness? Ruh-roh.
RATING: Di Fara's is a interesting place. Food? Excellent. Atmosphere? Meh. Service? Bla. Wait? Worse than "Master of Disguise", Arizona, BP, the Currier Museum Cafe, Gilbert Godfried, the iPhone 4, the Twilight saga, Justin Bieber, Lady Gaga, Benedict Arnold, the vuvuzela, bug bites, the flu, the Iraq War, cilantro, poison ivy, lisps, the letter "x", teen drama shows and historical fiction combined. North Korea, South Korea, Marilyn Monroe. Di Fara's gets a two out of five.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Celebrity Diner
LOCATION: 312 Jericho Turnpike Syosset, NY 11791
TYPE OF FOOD: American/Diner
REVIEW: If anything, ANYTHING on this planet can beat a "New York style deli" is would be a "New York style diner". If diner-crazy Martians landed in my backyard and asked me where to go for diners, I would send them to New York. Diners in New York are more frequent than the states "won" by Republicans in presidential elections (first Florida followed by Ohio, and while you may have Beacon Hill, we will win the Capitol one! And I don't mean the credit card company!). The only thing topping a New York diner is a shiny New York diner. And that's exactly what I got at Celebrity.
Sitting down in a booth near one of the windows, I looked through the many options available. When I mean many, I mean it (and that was just the breakfast menu). But what should I have? Should I have an easy option, like oatmeal (why not just order the bun at a burger place?)? Should I go for an unhealthy option, like a three egg omelette (why not just put raw plaque in your arteries?)? So after some deliberation, I ordered a breakfast special (why not?). I ordered the "Eleven" but my way: it ended up being a (get ready) Western egg white omelette with whole wheat toast and fruit salad with orange juice and iced tea (it's a whole buffet!). I got the iced tea first.
It was delicious, and it tasted sweetened when it actually wasn't. Next was the orange juice. It was freshly squeezed and (in one big, vague word) delicious. In fact, it was probably more tasty than the iced tea. For the third course came the fruit salad. That was very, very good also. And last but certainly not least (not at all) came the omelette. This thing covered the entire plate. The toast was perfectly toasted and even slightly burnt (I love burnt, no, scratch that, I will marry burnt). The eggs were burnt also (yay!!!!!!!!!!!) and that made it even better. Oh, and the omelette was absolutely great. That too. And with a perfect breakfast dissolving in my stomach acids (deal with me saying that), I walked through the door and started my day.
SERVICE: The service was not only great, but was (I think) a immigrant (eat it Arizona!). I heard several of the staff speaking Spanish (... can this place get any better?), so I can guess he wasn't the only one. The waiter was also very patient and (like 99.999% of the time-I beat hand sanitizer! Finally! You will chap the back of my hands no more!) nice. And I'll probably never have a conversation with him. In one word: darn. Oh well, no worth crying over five minutes.
ATMOSPHERE: It the cleanest diner-scratch that-restaurant I have ever been in. The exterior is shiner than every dentist's smile will ever be (I don't think I'm getting my free toothbrush now....), and the interior is shiny also. And as for the bathroom... wow. It's absolutely one of the greatest public bathrooms I will ever be in. Motion sensor technology, three full rolls of toilet paper (tres! TRES!), clean floors... what more do you want? The entire Boston Pops Orchestra? Good luck (unless you're a millionaire... unless you want to save money, enjoy, you beat me....)!
PRICE: Two people, twenty-five dollars. Two meals, two drinks, totally 100% worth it. In fact, there was so much food, I couldn't finish it (two meals? Si! Espanol es muy bueno!). Yep, I couldn't finish it. By the way, do you know where Joey Chestnut lives (Kobayashi's in Japan... the hot-dog contest was boring this year....)?
RATING: Celebrity Diner is, in one word, perfect. This place would impress any critic that is 100 times Simon Cowell person any day (thank God that show is done!). And to use a long used food critic cliche (ugh), the Celebrity Diner will make any person-and I mean any person-feel like a celebrity. Except without the paparazzi. Yay. Celebrity Diner gets a five out of five.
TYPE OF FOOD: American/Diner
REVIEW: If anything, ANYTHING on this planet can beat a "New York style deli" is would be a "New York style diner". If diner-crazy Martians landed in my backyard and asked me where to go for diners, I would send them to New York. Diners in New York are more frequent than the states "won" by Republicans in presidential elections (first Florida followed by Ohio, and while you may have Beacon Hill, we will win the Capitol one! And I don't mean the credit card company!). The only thing topping a New York diner is a shiny New York diner. And that's exactly what I got at Celebrity.
Sitting down in a booth near one of the windows, I looked through the many options available. When I mean many, I mean it (and that was just the breakfast menu). But what should I have? Should I have an easy option, like oatmeal (why not just order the bun at a burger place?)? Should I go for an unhealthy option, like a three egg omelette (why not just put raw plaque in your arteries?)? So after some deliberation, I ordered a breakfast special (why not?). I ordered the "Eleven" but my way: it ended up being a (get ready) Western egg white omelette with whole wheat toast and fruit salad with orange juice and iced tea (it's a whole buffet!). I got the iced tea first.
It was delicious, and it tasted sweetened when it actually wasn't. Next was the orange juice. It was freshly squeezed and (in one big, vague word) delicious. In fact, it was probably more tasty than the iced tea. For the third course came the fruit salad. That was very, very good also. And last but certainly not least (not at all) came the omelette. This thing covered the entire plate. The toast was perfectly toasted and even slightly burnt (I love burnt, no, scratch that, I will marry burnt). The eggs were burnt also (yay!!!!!!!!!!!) and that made it even better. Oh, and the omelette was absolutely great. That too. And with a perfect breakfast dissolving in my stomach acids (deal with me saying that), I walked through the door and started my day.
SERVICE: The service was not only great, but was (I think) a immigrant (eat it Arizona!). I heard several of the staff speaking Spanish (... can this place get any better?), so I can guess he wasn't the only one. The waiter was also very patient and (like 99.999% of the time-I beat hand sanitizer! Finally! You will chap the back of my hands no more!) nice. And I'll probably never have a conversation with him. In one word: darn. Oh well, no worth crying over five minutes.
ATMOSPHERE: It the cleanest diner-scratch that-restaurant I have ever been in. The exterior is shiner than every dentist's smile will ever be (I don't think I'm getting my free toothbrush now....), and the interior is shiny also. And as for the bathroom... wow. It's absolutely one of the greatest public bathrooms I will ever be in. Motion sensor technology, three full rolls of toilet paper (tres! TRES!), clean floors... what more do you want? The entire Boston Pops Orchestra? Good luck (unless you're a millionaire... unless you want to save money, enjoy, you beat me....)!
PRICE: Two people, twenty-five dollars. Two meals, two drinks, totally 100% worth it. In fact, there was so much food, I couldn't finish it (two meals? Si! Espanol es muy bueno!). Yep, I couldn't finish it. By the way, do you know where Joey Chestnut lives (Kobayashi's in Japan... the hot-dog contest was boring this year....)?
RATING: Celebrity Diner is, in one word, perfect. This place would impress any critic that is 100 times Simon Cowell person any day (thank God that show is done!). And to use a long used food critic cliche (ugh), the Celebrity Diner will make any person-and I mean any person-feel like a celebrity. Except without the paparazzi. Yay. Celebrity Diner gets a five out of five.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Rein's
LOCATION: 435 Hartford Turnpike Vernon, CT
TYPE OF FOOD: "Traditional New York Style Jewish Deli" (is there, like, a Maine style Catholic deli?)
REVIEW: The "New York style deli" claim is one of the oldest tricks in the book (older than the chicken and egg riddle, which scientists say they have solved.... and yet they have said nearly every food is unhealthy, tea, potatoes, what's next, carrots?). It makes one believe that because it is New York, the diner capital of the world (two within half a mile, that's closer than Dunkin' Donuts' in Boston), "style", it has to be good, right? Well, 65% of the time that's correct. On that note, let's start the actual review instead-of-wasting-your-time-with-a-few-jokes-and-making-some-random-point (oh I just did that.... dang).
With every diner on the planet, the menu is as big as Arizona's lawsuits (I don't have a passport, so that doesn't make me an American?). On the menu, there's everything from sandwiches to calves liver and onions to stewed prunes. I was stuck between two options: an egg white omelette or a roast beef sandwich. Note how I say an egg white omelette: I didn't know there were egg whites (well, in one word: darn). So I chose a (try to say it in one breath) roast beef sandwich on whole-wheat bread with lettuce and onions (I cannot be held for any frustration that may have been caused there. Ha.). After only a short bit, the food came.
The sandwich was very, very good. The meat was nice and tasty, the vegetables were there but didn't take over the sandwich. But the best part was the bread. The bread was a perfect platform for a perfect sandwich. After I finished, I ordered a fruit salad for dessert. The fruit was fresh and delicious. The selection of fruit didn't seem out of place or random (cherries, oranges, and peaches, oh my!), which made the salad even better. Even the tap water was good. So, I got up, paid, got into the car, and drove off.
SERVICE: The service was very fast and patient (done with nice and friendly! It's giving me word cancer!). They were busy and at work, and if they weren't working, they were taking orders and/or printing receipts. Which pretty much is work. Which means my last two sentences were redundant. Oh well, there's no grammar police. Or is there? There is a Dream Police (they live inside my head).
ATMOSPHERE: The atmosphere was pretty much Manhattan themed. There's a statue of the Statue of Liberty with plastic (?) "flame" above the torch. There are also many signs related to 9/11. On my way in, I spotted two signs saying, "Remember" and "Never Forget", with pictures of firemen helmets. On the lighter side, there is also signs with humor. As you go to the bathrooms, there are two signs above the door: Queens for women, Menhattan (spelled correctly as on the sign) for men (the bathrooms by the way are fine). And anyone with a sense of humor is my friend. Unless you're Gilbert Godfried. That guy has a very annoying voice (I'm not even going to describe it, it's like nails on a chalkboard).
PRICE: Two people, twenty-five dollars. The price may look a little big, but the food is high quality and fresh. This is also factoring in two entrees and a dessert. So ditto the dessert, and you got twenty (maybe). But you definitely want dessert. Can you resist sour cream coffee cake? I don't think so!
RATING: Rein's is a delicious place for anyone craving a mean sandwich. With a great New York atmosphere, menu, and price, I can happily say that Rein's is 100% authentic New York/Jewish deli. And it's in not even in New York. Connecticut 1, New York 0. Arizona? Don't ask. Rein's gets a five out of five.
TYPE OF FOOD: "Traditional New York Style Jewish Deli" (is there, like, a Maine style Catholic deli?)
REVIEW: The "New York style deli" claim is one of the oldest tricks in the book (older than the chicken and egg riddle, which scientists say they have solved.... and yet they have said nearly every food is unhealthy, tea, potatoes, what's next, carrots?). It makes one believe that because it is New York, the diner capital of the world (two within half a mile, that's closer than Dunkin' Donuts' in Boston), "style", it has to be good, right? Well, 65% of the time that's correct. On that note, let's start the actual review instead-of-wasting-your-time-with-a-few-jokes-and-making-some-random-point (oh I just did that.... dang).
With every diner on the planet, the menu is as big as Arizona's lawsuits (I don't have a passport, so that doesn't make me an American?). On the menu, there's everything from sandwiches to calves liver and onions to stewed prunes. I was stuck between two options: an egg white omelette or a roast beef sandwich. Note how I say an egg white omelette: I didn't know there were egg whites (well, in one word: darn). So I chose a (try to say it in one breath) roast beef sandwich on whole-wheat bread with lettuce and onions (I cannot be held for any frustration that may have been caused there. Ha.). After only a short bit, the food came.
The sandwich was very, very good. The meat was nice and tasty, the vegetables were there but didn't take over the sandwich. But the best part was the bread. The bread was a perfect platform for a perfect sandwich. After I finished, I ordered a fruit salad for dessert. The fruit was fresh and delicious. The selection of fruit didn't seem out of place or random (cherries, oranges, and peaches, oh my!), which made the salad even better. Even the tap water was good. So, I got up, paid, got into the car, and drove off.
SERVICE: The service was very fast and patient (done with nice and friendly! It's giving me word cancer!). They were busy and at work, and if they weren't working, they were taking orders and/or printing receipts. Which pretty much is work. Which means my last two sentences were redundant. Oh well, there's no grammar police. Or is there? There is a Dream Police (they live inside my head).
ATMOSPHERE: The atmosphere was pretty much Manhattan themed. There's a statue of the Statue of Liberty with plastic (?) "flame" above the torch. There are also many signs related to 9/11. On my way in, I spotted two signs saying, "Remember" and "Never Forget", with pictures of firemen helmets. On the lighter side, there is also signs with humor. As you go to the bathrooms, there are two signs above the door: Queens for women, Menhattan (spelled correctly as on the sign) for men (the bathrooms by the way are fine). And anyone with a sense of humor is my friend. Unless you're Gilbert Godfried. That guy has a very annoying voice (I'm not even going to describe it, it's like nails on a chalkboard).
PRICE: Two people, twenty-five dollars. The price may look a little big, but the food is high quality and fresh. This is also factoring in two entrees and a dessert. So ditto the dessert, and you got twenty (maybe). But you definitely want dessert. Can you resist sour cream coffee cake? I don't think so!
RATING: Rein's is a delicious place for anyone craving a mean sandwich. With a great New York atmosphere, menu, and price, I can happily say that Rein's is 100% authentic New York/Jewish deli. And it's in not even in New York. Connecticut 1, New York 0. Arizona? Don't ask. Rein's gets a five out of five.
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