Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Top Ten-- Paris

Welcome to my Top Ten Food Related Things I Experienced, Ate or Drank While I Vacationed in Paris, France (too long?). I'm not going to continue with some long, confusing and occasionally funny spiel, so here it is: My Top Ten of Paris, France! Special Mention/11.) Ham: I swear, I ate ham almost every day, and while it was great and filled with flavor, I got absolutely sick of the stuff by the end of the trip. If you do happen to go to Paris, try the ham (even put it in a crepe or baguette if you'd like) but steer clear of it or you will go insane. Seriously. Luckily my detox only involved getting locked in the bathtub for a fortnight. Oh well, I dealt with worse in the Chocolate Chip Fiasco of '02 (don't ask about it). 10.) Double espresso: It sounds odd to put, but yeah, have you ever had double espresso in Paris, France? In two words, I can describe it: wonder drug. You will be filled with energy for literally hours no matter what you do in the city. Even after a day of walking and visiting museums, a shot glass sized amount of this stuff will wake you up in a matter of minutes. Not only that, but it is extremely high quality and is quite good for you. Just don't drink it more than once a day. Bad idea. Very. Very. Bad. 9.) Escargot: Good gosh, I love these little nuggets! They have no icky taste and aren't even slimy like many would think. In fact, there's almost a fine art behind them. Every time I ordered the dish I received a few tiny, specific tools to eat them, which usually consisted of what essentially was a pair of tongs and an extremely small fork to scoop them out. You would hold the snail with the tongs while you would use the fork to, well, eat them (pretty hard to figure out). The snails were always cooked in garlic butter which is absolutely perfect to dip your bread in (well, save for olive oil, which is God-sent). The only downside is the whole thing clogging your arteries, but as long as they are not deep-fried you should be fine. Or wrapped in bacon. Or dipped in chocolate. Or anything Americans do. Yeah. Period. 8.) Produce: Another odd thing to put on this list, yes, but the produce (fruits and vegetables) were delicious almost everywhere I was in Paris. The category of salads can also fall under this, as I enjoyed a majority of the salads I consumed in France. Lightly yet efficiently dressed, with multiple, colorful vegetables, the salads were easily some of the best I've ever had. Specific examples include strawberries (which were fresh and packed with flavor) and lettuce (which had a great crunch and consistency). It may seem simple, and it may seem odd, but this was easily one of the best F.R.T.I.E.A.O.D.W.I.V.I.P.F.. Yeah, way too long. 7.) Duck confit: Yet another fattening thing goes on the list. Duck confit is this: duck preserved, submerged in its fat, before poached-- in its own fat. So it is definitely not for dieters. But it is delicious. It is usually served with a salad (which as I mentioned before is AMAZING) or a potato, but the duck by itself is rich and mind-blowing, especially the skin. Although I did not have this many times (which is why this entry is so short), it is worth the cost-- and the nutritional value-- to have for dinner. 6.) Tartare: Do not be afraid by the idea-- the product is great. If you don't know what this is, tartare is a preparation of meat, usually with some seasonings or some sort of sauce. Oh, sorry, let me modify that: a preparation of raw meat. Yes, that's right, R-A-W, raw meat. But keep in mind, the chefs are taking some ground chuck and giving it to you, it's much more than that. It's hard to describe without trying it for yourself because the taste is so specific. It wasn't overpowering, yet it wasn't bland either. But however I can describe it, the facts remain: that plate was clean when the waiter finally took it away. The only thing I regret was having it only twice-- not even close to the amount I wanted when I left. 5.) Roasted chicken: This is classic French comfort food, and I can see why. Every time I had roasted chicken, it was fall-off-the-bone, mouthwatering deliciousness, a culinary masterpiece. I've spoken about roasted chicken in the past, so I don't want to repeat myself, but let me tell you, if you have ever had roasted chicken in the past and want the best chicken in the world, come to Paris. I don't care how or what it takes you, in four words: it is worth it. 4.) Service: The service at restaurants (any restaurants, anywhere) is one of the most important aspects to eating out. I've seen all types of service, from great to friendly to mediocre to downright dreadful. I easily had some of the best service I ever had in Paris. A big portion of that comes from the fact that in France, being a waiter or waitress is a real profession. In the United States, what does one think of when they think of a waiter? A teenager or college student, trying to scrape together some money on the side. In France, that is far from the case. Waiters/waitresses in Paris are of all ages and were almost always nice and charming. They have plenty of energy and drive and work their hardest. Plus, it doesn't hurt when you know you will always get tips/money (they're worked into the bill). Maybe that's incentive. Whatever the reason, the service is Paris is terrific. Period (I'm probably overusing this, aren't I? Am I? Huh? Anyone?). 3.) Tomatoes and mozzarella: These two foods, which I ate always together, never separated, were the foods I ate the most in Paris. There are two reasons for this: one, they are in every restaurant/cafe in the entire city and two, they are delicious. I mostly ate them in the form of a salad (very similar to Caprese salad, in fact, almost identical in some places). It was served on a place, usually with the mozzarella as an unsliced hunk with about five or six slices of tomato with salt and pepper. Sometimes it was served with olive oil and balsamic vinegar, other times it was already drizzled on it. Either way, it was a perfect starter. The two were always fresh as well packed with flavor and pure deliciousness. But what made the combination even better was cutting open a small baguette and stuffing it in there. OH MY GOD! An amazing sandwich to say the least. Combined with a thin slice of ham and maybe a bit of olive oil, it was a flavorful, (somewhat) nutritional combination that was perfect for a lunch. I can only hope to replicate it here in the States. 2.) Bread: Never mind, this was the thing I ate the most in Paris. At every lunch and dinner the waiter brings a bowl or basket filled with bread before (or maybe with) your starter and main course. However, the interesting aspect about it is that you're not supposed to eat it before hand; you're supposed to eat it with your meal. No matter when you ate it, for me, it was always delicious. I honestly cannot describe my enjoyment of French bread in words. It can only be experienced when/if you taste it, and you cannot experience it by munching on an American-made baguette or boule. You have to have it in France. No exceptions. Bread is so simple, something our minds skip over, but bread really does make a difference as it did for me in Paris. 1.) Cafes: Not just the food/drink in cafes, not just the atmosphere, not just the service, it's just the idea of the French cafe that I love the most. In the United States, we have a "go go go" attitude; we are always on the go, getting our Starbucks, moving, eat your breakfast in the car, never stay in one spot, getting to work on time. In Paris things are so much different. Cafes are not for drinking or eating or moving, they are for talking and relaxing and mingling. It's a place to talk and meet people for hours on end. You could come have coffee at four in the afternoon and stay to eat dinner at eight and then leave at ten if you really wanted. Essentially you are renting the space, renting the table, you could do whatever the heck you felt like. I have not found one place wherever I have gone in Boston, or in New York, or in anywhere in America where I felt like that. French cafes really bring up a good question about us: why can't we have that same attitude? Why can't we have things like French cafes? Why can't we just chill out and stop being so "go go go"? So much history has happened at French cafes (I'm serious, look it up); whatever happened at a Dunkin' Donuts or a McDonalds or a Papa Ginos?

Saturday, June 30, 2012

Sweet Cheeks Q

LOCATION: 1381 Boylston Street Boston, MA 02215 TYPE OF FOOD: Barbeque (the name of this place kind of throws you off, doesn't it?) REVIEW: We all have heard of the Bravo reality show Top Chef, one of the most brilliant shows on television currently. The idea is having a group of professional chefs compete against one another in a series of creative competitions to see who will come out on top. Many contestants have gone on and have never been heard of again, but a lucky few have actually become famous in their right. One of those contestants is Tiffani Faison, who placed second in Top Chef's first season. After placing, she worked in Todd English's brasserie in New Orleans before coming to Boston and opening Sweet Cheeks Q (not the greatest name I've ever heard of, honestly, it's like calling your diner America's D), her first restaurant. And I walked right past it. Yep, I walked right past it and I made this review as a joke. So you all can get on home- okay, I'll get to the review. I used my two femurs, patellas, tibias and fibulas to find a seat and look at the menu. As any reader of this blog would know, I am usually a pretty healthy human being, always finding the tastiest, healthiest option and deciding that to eat. So as you might imagine I might have gotten some chicken and greens or something and called it a day. And since I tricked you so cleverly the last time (I know, I know, I'm brilliant), I will not try again to ruin such a perfect record that I established. I chose the rib platter aka a half rack of red meat (dun dun dun). The platter came with two sides, so I went with collard greens and a carrot and raisin salad. One note: I really, really, really hate American Southern side dishes. I mean, really hate. I mean, REALLY HATE. I MEAN, RRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLL-okay, you get the point. The ribs were literally fall-of-the-bone. The first bite I took stripped all of the meat off the bone. And it was DEELISHOUS. They did not have much fat to them, and they were cooked perfectly with a great dry rub. Seriously, it was very good eating, and despite the nutrition not being on-par (what can you expect with "The Other White Meat: The Best Piece of Nutritional Propaganda Since Those Corn Guys With That Completely Baseless 'Sweet Surprise' Campaign"? Seriously, I die a little every time I see those ads.), I ate those seven ribs with satisfaction. Next came the side dishes. I tried the collard greens first and my predictions came true: I couldn't even eat one bite. I'm not exactly sure what was in them but they were sweet, not what I was expecting at all. I spat it out. Next came the salad, and guess what: I really, really liked it. The salad had a vinegar-based dressing or a vinaigrette which gave a nice savory taste to it. The carrots had a good crunch with the raisins giving an added bit of sweetness which complemented the other components nicely. Nuts (I believe they were walnuts) also complemented the dish perfectly which added a (of course) great nutty taste. (insert long sentence involving an intricate description of walking here; seriously, isn't that a bit cliched?) SERVICE: The service was, as perfectly usual, friendly, patient and quick. My waitress seemed to be in her twenties (but I am a horrible judge of age), and seemed to know what she was doing. All in all, the service did extremely well. But what do I know? I'm a horrible judge of what's hip, what's out, video games, cars, architecture, fashion, sports and cellular phones. Maybe I shouldn't be saying that when I am a critic. Well, it's on the Internet now, and whatever is on the Internet is permanent and factual. That I learned in fifth grade health class. ATMOSPHERE: Where to begin? The atmosphere was very unique, almost on the border of overwhelming. There was a large photo on the wall of a guy eating, but why it was there is beyond me. Also present was Restaurant Cliche #32: Having multiple televisions turned on to sport channels while blasting music (seriously, tell me you haven't see that before). The restaurant also had many (what I assume) rusty scales all about the place which I found unique but odd. Perhaps the biggest, most confusing things for me was in the bathroom. The first was the stringing of Christmas lights all about the walls (keep in mind this is June, people), and I don't just me a fragment on one wall, I mean two or three strands all around the walls. But the single most confusing thing about the restaurant was this: a merchandiser that wasn't a game distributing toys inside of plastic Easter eggs. A number of questions with this: what does a toy distributer have to do with the American South? Why of all places do you put the distributer in the bathroom? Wouldn't it make more sense to put it by the front door? In fact, why have it at all? It's just a distraction, so why? In fact, that is the six words that describe this restaurant's atmosphere: "It's just a distraction, so why?" Period. PRICE: The platter, meat and sides, was twenty-two dollars in total. The quality was consistent throughout with very good portions (they do not lie when they say it's meant for a whole meal for one person). Although one of the sides was bad, they gave me quite a bit of it, and I admire that. While twenty-two dollars might be pricy for some, I conclude that this meal is perfectly worth the price at Sweet Cheeks. Q. R. S. T. U. V. W. X. Y. Z. And now I know my ABCs. :) That's a smiley face. I'm hip. RATING: Sweet Cheeks Q is a bit of an enigma, and I'm having a tough time deciding how to grade it. Let's look at the pros first: the portions are generous, but not overwhelming, the service decent, the price matching well and the food for the most part good. The cons are that the service is just decent, nothing remarkable, the food has some flaws and the atmosphere is just plain inconsistent. I did enjoy the atmosphere though, but it just doesn't make sense with the theme of the restaurant. I am going to give Sweet Cheeks Q (I know this is a nitpick, but I can't get past the "Q" at the end of that, either say "Sweet Cheeks" or "Sweet Cheeks Barbeque", but once again it's a nitpick, I'm not going to hold it against the restaurant) a three out of five, but in a different way than usual. It's not a bad restaurant, it just has some flaws, and one I would love to go back to again (like how I felt about The Hunger Games). Some may disagree with me, based on their own experiences or what I said in the review, but I am going to stand by my rating. Sweet Cheeks Q gets a (good) three out of five.

Monday, April 30, 2012

Flour Bakery

LOCATION: 190 Massachusetts Avenue Cambridge, MA 02210 TYPE OF FOOD: American REVIEW: Hello readers. It's nice to be back finally reviewing on this blog for once. For once. So, what is my amazing return to restaurant review land after seven months? Which place do I happen to fancy? What location causes me to consume its food products? What spot on the planet we call Earth beckons me past its door? What longitude and latitude was I attracted to for a lunch? What was the (insert another word for location here) RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSTTTTTTTTTTTTTAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT????????????????? Am I just stalling? WEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL, okay, okay, I'll stop. I went into Flour Bakery. I actually had a fairly long time deciding what to get (shocker). I had eaten lunch a few times before, with varying levels of quality and enjoyment. The last time I went I had the chicken, jicama and mashed avocado, which was okay but not great. The specials were a quiche with spinach and French feta, some sort of salad, a stuffed bread with sausage and some homefries that were sold out. Since none of those appealed to my culinary muscular hydrostat on the floor of my mouth which manipulates food for mastication, I turned my cognitive process of selectively concentrating on one aspect of the environment while ignoring other things to the regular menu. A grilled tofu sandwich with olive tapenade was appealing, but not by enough. A lamb sandwich was also another appealing option, but with goat cheese (one of the most vile substances on the face of this planet) I had to sadly turn my head away in shame of that horrid ingredient. Finally, I decided within seconds of ordering: a mozzarella, basil pesto and tomato sandwich on whole wheat bread (what a twist! And guess what, Bruce Willis died in Sixth Sense!) and a green iced tea would do nicely. I sat down with the iced tea in hand. The iced tea had a slightly bitter taste, but since I love bitter tea, there was no problem. The tea, luckily, was strong as an iron bar and was a perfect refreshment to have. With ten percent of the tea gone, the sandwich arrived. The first I noticed was the bread: delicious, soft to the touch and with a certain, lovely moisture to it. The next thing that came was the pesto which, despite its deliciousness, was overpowered by the mozzarella and was not present enough in the sandwich. The mozzarella was delicious and fresh as if it just was prepared in the restaurant, and if it overpowered the other elements, that was not a horrible thing. The tomato was at the bottom of the sandwich, and although its amount was small, its flavor and freshness was present as much as the mozzarella. Needless to say, I ate it all, including the iced tea and left the establishment which prepares and serves food and drink to customers in return for money happy. SERVICE: The service at Flour mainly consists of a bunch of college-aged workers behind the counter, and as a result, you interact with them for about twenty seconds. So, because of that, I did not feel an impact, positive or negative. They did not sound impatient or frustrated or happy or really any emotion, but I can't blame them: working in a restaurant at noon on a Sunday makes one busy. So I don't have a "grade" for the service at Flour. "I'm sorry" readers, "but" this "time", I "can't give "an opinion" on the "service" at "Flour" Bakery. Is it "me" or is "something" wrong with "my" keyboard? Heh, it's "probably" nothing. ATMOSPHERE: The atmosphere was busy, like I mentioned before, but was still cozy and welcoming. The restaurant had nicely bright colors and a couple of pieces of not so bad art on the walls. The menu was written on a blackboard in chalk, which gave it a French cafe feel to it (strange, I keep finding Paris travel books all over my house... hmm) that seemed authentic and not forced. The floors were nicely clean and the bathrooms had the same quality as well, even in the spots which are dirty in most restaurants (hint hint). So all in all, the layer of gases that may surround a material body of sufficient ma- oh, wait hang on, that's the definition of the atmosphere of a planet, um, hang on... let's see... Wiktionary... atmosphere... ah, there it is.. ahem, the particular mood or atmosphere-wait, that's ambiance... the mood or feeling of the restaurant was top-notch (whew, finally). PRICE: The sandwich caused the price of eight dollars in total. The portion size was on the small size, however, but it did fill me up, and based on the quality of the sandwich the price is okay. It could better, but for the quality and the fact that I was full at the end, I'll say the price matched the food. Although I'm no economist. Although I did see Margin Call. Although I studied the Panic of 1837. Although I have read about currency. Although- yeah, I'm no economist. Although... RATING: Flour Bakery is a decently priced, well-done food joint with a great atmosphere and an okay price. A couple of problems with the food and a lack of service does hurt it, and I have to hold it against the restaurant. Now, there is one thing, that as I type this up, there is one thing I have to mention. You see, when I was at the restaurant, I turned my head and I saw, well, how to say this, I saw-OMG SHERLOCK IS ON SHERLOCK IS ON SHERLOCK IS ON SORRY SORRY SHERLOCK IS ON SHERLOCK IS ON, UM UM UM SORRY SHERLOCK IS ON SHERLOCK IS ON SHERLOCK IS ON, HOLD ON GIVE ME A MOMENT GIVE ME A MOMENT- excuse me, ahem, Sherlock is on. Ahem. Flour Bakery gets a four out of five. Now if you'll excuse me, Sherlock is on. Just want to make sure you know that.

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

An Announcement

So... sorry to say this guys, this post isn't a review. I really am sorry, the reason for it is that I really didn't eat out this month. And once again, sorry for not doing what I wanted and having more posts, but once again, I didn't eat out this month and I have nothing to review.

So... I pretty much had a string of bad luck this month and I apologize for it. I will really try to get out more, but I make no promises.

Instead of doing a review for this post, instead I'll just say a few words and hope you can forgive me for making this horrible, horrible mistake.

Anyway, I have recently started another review blog, this one reviewing movies over on Tumblr. I'll probably update that more frequently, mainly because I watch more movies than eat out. Here's the link, feel free to check it out and as always, comment and send me emails about it with suggestions or comments or criticisms:

I do want you to know that I have three drafts in the works over there and not to mention a bunch of ideas for more reviews, so I suggest you stay tuned over there. You might even see a few things coming very, very shortly; stay tuned!

Once again, I really apologize for this, and I promise there will be reviews coming as soon as I go out and there will be more than one a month. I want to continue the awards idea into next year, but I have to actually have something to award. So be patient, things will be coming, and at the very minimum I will update once a month. Be patient, and the updates will follow.

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

The Biting The Bay State 1st Annual Awards

That's right, I have decided to bow into the Academy Award fever and make my own awards (so what if they were on Sunday? I can still do them). These awards will honor my favorite eats during the year of 2011 in several categories. Enjoy!

BEST BREAKFAST: Since the only nominee is Metro Diner, I'll give it to them. Still, it was a decent breakfast anyway and it is deserving of something.

*New England Soup Factory
*Deluxe Station Diner
*Alfileritos 24

And the winner is... Deluxe Station Diner!

This had everything-good atmosphere, nice service, fitting price and stellar food-that the other nominees lacked. This isn't to say that the other nominees were bad (New England Soup Factory is a close second and Wasabi and Alfileritos have something to them), but honestly, in a circumstance like this, the diner would win every time.

*Pizzeria Regina
*Bartley's Burger Cottage
*Trattoria Pulcinella

And the winner is... Botin!

Honestly, this was a tough one. In the end, it came down to which had the best food because all the other one were so close. And honestly, the more enjoyable food I had at was Botin, but once again, the other ones were really, really good, but Botin was just better in the end.

*Deluxe Station Diner
*Alfileritos 24
*Bartley's Burger Cottage

And the winner is... Alfileritos 24!

Another close one, but Alfileritos should definitely get this one. It had an amazing, honestly, AMAZING atmosphere that blows one away. Yes, it is sort of a maze, but that just added to the atmosphere. It's clean, elegant, refined, and makes you want to stick your head in to see it. And that is exactly how an atmosphere should make you feel.

*Bartley's Burger Cottage
*Trattoria Pulcinella

And the winner is... Botin!

It is really hard to do something like this, as service is really hard to review. But what gave Botin the win is that the service was able to move speedily, diligently and without neglect while being able to tend to a twenty-something large group of tourists to my right. If that doesn't make a good service, I don't know what does.

BEST FOOD (that made up for everything else):
*New England Soup Factory

And the winner is... Kouzina!

I decided to add this category to highlight the places I went to where the food rocked, but everything else was less than satisfactory. I don't mean these places are bad, they just have some flaws. Of these three choices, the best food would be Kouzina, it was consistent, fresh, and made up for quite a few of the flaws I encountered at the restaurant. It definitely deserves a mention.

*Deluxe Station Diner
*Bartley's Burger Cottage

And the winner is... Botin!

Just read my review and you'll understand. Botin is perfect. The food, price, atmosphere, service, everything. It nailed it. Botin is by far the best meal I had in 2011, and in the best I've had in my life. And why shouldn't the world's oldest restaurant be number one?

P.S. Don't worry, the next post will be a review, and it's not going to be the only one in a month on the last day of the month. My new year's resolution is to update more often, and I'm going to follow through on it. Trust me, you're going to see much more this year.

Friday, December 2, 2011

Tango Mango vs. Anna's Taqueria

A few years ago, there was an article in the Boston Globe. It was about three college students, who, with nothing but time on their hands, decided to sample the best burritos in the city. They all stunk, for their own separate reasons, but in the end, the majority ruled that Anna's Taqueria triumphed over all. Since I read that article so many years, I decided to do my own taste test, but this time between my two favorites: Tango Mango and Anna's. I decided to do it as soon as possible, tomorrow even, a week from then, a month, three years.... well, I decided on the last option of course.

The burritos were arranged the same way; whole-wheat tortilla, pinto and black beans, chicken, lettuce and hot sauce. After they were brought to me blind, I studied them briefly from an outside look (about two feet above the plates, ooh!. As you might believe, I concluded nothing from this look, and I took my first bite.

The first burrito had much, much flavor and when I mean flavor, I mean hot sauce. A lot of hot sauce. I could still taste the other ingredients as well, and I noticed the chicken was close to burnt. This was no problem to me. I took a second bite to reassure myself of my conclusions, found that I was right (aren't I always?) and turned my attention to the second burrito via swinging my head (I think this is what people usually do).

The second burrito... was bland. Beyond bland. It had no flavor. There was no hot sauce, and despite the amount of stuffing, I had very little other flavor. Yes, everything was cooked, yes, the tortilla was steamed right, but I didn't get much flavor. Once again, I took another bite, and I realized I was right.

FINAL VERDICT: The first burrito won my heart and my stomach on this occasion.

IDENTITY: It was Anna's. Despite my hardcore fanaticism for Tango Mango, I chose Anna's. I don't know what to think for this one. I feel I've betrayed myself. But hey, that's okay for my self-esteem, right? Right?

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Note About Sportello

This is the first and hopefully only time in which the entire post is not a review, but I feel the need to write a completely new post as an epilogue (just go with it)to my Sportello review.

Sometime in May of 2010, I went to Sportello and ordered whole-wheat blueberry pancakes. It was (note: JUST was, JUST was)the greatest breakfast I've ever had in a restaurant. The review is still there, and I'm not going to change a thing to it whatsoever.

Fast forward one year and a half later. I went there to, once again, eat the blueberry pancakes. However, staring into the black writing on cut-down trees they placed in a case and called a menu in front of the restaurant, I discovered that the pancakes were (gasp! GASP! GAAAAAAAASP!)removed from the menu. While I was disappointed in that fact, I still decided to have lunch there and simply get something else.

At this point, I'm sure you're wondering, "Oh, I see no problem so far." Well, needless to say, at this point I would have to agree with you. But this is where things get worse. Much. Much. Worse.

Perhaps the main reason I went in was one dish that sparked my interest. It was a pasta dish with some sort of cheese (I'm not going through the hassle of looking it up... you'll see why in a moment... YOU'LL SEE WHY! YOU'LL ALL SEE WHY!), olives and braised rabbit. So, of course, by typing this you can probably predict that I ordered it. I did. And eventually it came. I took a bite.

Oh. My. God. When I took the first bite of that pancake that May or April day in 2010, that was my reaction. I had the same reaction with the pasta. However, things were, well, a little different between those two moments. The pancake was one of the best things I've ever eaten, probably in my top twenty-five favorite restaurant experiences. The pasta? The pasta with olives, some sort of cheese and braised rabbit? Well...

The rabbit was poorly butchered, the pasta came from a ramen noodle thing that college students eat, the olives were just meh, and the cheese, THAT GOD DARN CHEESE, overpowered every bite I ate, I couldn't taste a thing but BAD, BAD macaroni and cheese sauce. Basically, the dish was a horribly done version of macaroni and cheese for "adults" and when I mean adults, I mean some person living in East Eurasia who claims he's a quarter Italian.

It's that bad, people. It's that bad.

Will I ever go back to Sportello again? Unless they bring back the pancakes, no. Will my review remain? Yes. But I will never go back to Sportello. Never ever ever ever ever ever ever. Even if I order something else a.) I'll be sad they got rid of the pancakes and b.) I'll have memories of that awful, awful macaroni and cheese. There are no excuses. No one to blame. No way to forget. The only way I can do anything is never go back again and encourage you not to go either. There's no reason for me. There's no reason for you. What. So. Ever. That's it.

So, I think you can guess I didn't like it. I don't know. I hope I drove that point home. Whatever.